( Jukebox Jury )

response completely blank? How can you even judge it? I mean, a writer wrote the song, the producer produced it. I guess she’s singing, but she sounds like a robot. SAMBERG: Maybe Peter Frampton is Britney Spears. HAMMOND: There’s really nothing left to say about her. “This song is great when you’re dancing in the club. It takes away all my worries!” SAMBERG: “When my boss is getting me down, I can just cut loose!”

Does she say “fucking” in this? That’s a fucking punk move. HAMMOND: With her and Gwen Stefani, everything sounds like a ninth-grade cheerleading competition. She was more serious on her first record, when she was younger. Does she write her own songs? SAMBERG: I’ve heard she writes a lot of her own shit. She was good on SNL. She can sing her ass off. HAMMOND: To truly be a pop star, you kind of have to. I couldn’t pass American Idol. SAMBERG: You could do okay on Britain’s Got Talent, though. HAMMOND: Maybe. I’m going to pitch myself for that. SAMBERG: Let me put it this way: Avril is no T-Pain, but I ain’t mad at her.

Chester Bennington continues to self-flagellate.

SAMBERG: Is this Linkin Peezy? I like Linkin Peezy. I’m not going to front. HAMMOND: It just doesn’t connect with me. I always want to know why things like this appeal to a mass of people. You must do the same with comedy, right? You have the stuff you like to do, but you also want to appeal to a larger group of people. SAMBERG: You have to try to balance what you love with what you think will make other people laugh. It can’t be purely self-indulgent. But Linkin Park really won me over. When they first came out, I ignored them, but they started becoming a guilty pleasure that I’d crank up in the car. HAMMOND: You can totally see the band changed, though. Their guitar player wears a suit—they weren’t wearing suits before. SAMBERG: Chester is fucking rad. His voice is so awesome. I’m going to make up T-shirts that say ALBER T

HAMMOND JR. LOVES LINKIN PARK. HAMMOND: And I’d wear one!

Rich Boy
“ Throw Some D’s”

Young Southern rapper loves himself some fancy rims.

Feist
“ 1234”

Sunny Canuck pop that for some reason makes us want to buy a Nano.

SAMBERG: One thing I want to get off my chest: I saw Steven Tyler recently and realized that if you’re a rock star, you can dress like a lady. HAMMOND: All those older rock stars wear garments that are looser. SAMBERG: They’re wearing gowns. There’s pirate shirt, and then there’s women’s blouse, and often the twain shall meet. Anyway, I’m a huge fan of Canadian songbirds. I liked her last record, too. HAMMOND: I really love that all the members of Broken Social Scene are always working together or going off on their own.

Linkin Park
“ What I’ve Done”

Despite having sold a bajillion albums,

SAMBERG: Rich Boy! Rich Boy is my fucking joint.

HAMMOND: I could sing the Avril song over this. She should do that remix. I don’t know any rap or hip-hop, so I trust that this is good. SAMBERG: I love the line “Every freak should have a picture of my dick on their wall.” You know what, Guest Rapper on Rich Boy’s Song? Every freak should have a picture of your dick on their wall, and the reason is because you said that in a song. HAMMOND: I have a picture of his dick on my wall, I must confess. SAMBERG: He hands out head shots of his dick at shows.

Spoon

“You know what, Guest Rapper on _shR_oic _uh_ldBoy’s Song? Every freak have a picture of your dick on their wall.”

“The Underdog”

Britt Daniel sticks it to the Man in the best song Billy Joel never wrote.

Against Me!
“Thrash Unreal”

The spunkiest, sing-alongiest anthem about a girl’s descent into junkiedom you’ll hear this year.

SAMBERG: It sounds like the video would show them playing in a living room in the suburbs. HAMMOND: “Dad, I hate you!” SAMBERG: Is it like “The world is against me,” or is it like “Hold your boner against me”? You might be surprised to know I would be a fan of that band. “Come on, guys, we’re gonna go to the Hold Your Boner Against Me! show.” I am there!

HAMMOND: This isn’t the same song, is it? SAMBERG: That’d be a sick twist if Rich Boy put this in the middle of his song, but this is Spoon. This song is great. HAMMOND: I got into Spoon after watching Stranger Than Fiction. They had an amazing song in that, over the credits. I kept rewinding after watching it in a hotel. SAMBERG: They played SNL, and they were awesome. Everyone agrees on this song. HAMMOND: This is what I mean— trying to find that universal quality. They found it! I think someone who listens to rap or reggae would still like this song. Spoon, you’ve done something right.

Avril Lavigne
Rihanna,
featuring Jay-Z
“ Girlfriend”

Tiny terror dislikes your choice of significant other, and she’s not afraid to say so.

“ Umbrella”

The summer’s most inescapable gynecological metaphor, with an assist from the chairman of Roc-A-Fella. Ella. Ella.

HAMMOND: Mickey Mouse finally made a record. I’m happy! SAMBERG: I like Avril, but this one is a little bit bubblegummy for me.

SAMBERG: This song is good enough that it will come on for the next 50 years at bars, and every time the whole place will go, “Ahhhh!”