Damn the Man!
You are in Rage Against
the Machine.
You are in
the Spice Girls. Girl
power!
You
are in
Silverchair. You are
the guys who did “Possum
Kingdom,”
right?
You
are in Van
Halen. Hey, Eddie has
to pay his dental bills
somehow.
S A
TT R
Do
those
empowering lyrics
typically involve the plight of
Mexican freedom
fighters?
Were
you never
broken up, but people
just didn’t care enough to
keep tabs on
you?
You are
in the Verve. And we are
sorry.
Was
your bass player
replaced by the guitarist’s
teenage son?
Does
your reunion
include all the original
members of your
band?
Do
your
lyrics often contain
themes of liberation and
empowerment?
Have
you ever been
sued by the Rolling Stones
over your only
hit?
You
are in
Smashing
Pumpkins. Expect Billy Jr. on
bass by the next
reunion.
Were
some of
your original members
not even invited to
the party?
Did
your band
gain most of its notoriety
during the
1990s?
You are
in Pylon. We’re not
exactly sure who you
are either.
You
are in Eve 6.
Have fun getting turned
away from state
fairs!
Did
some
original members not
show up for the reunion
because they are
dead?
You
are in the
Sex Pistols. And Sid
Vicious could never play
bass anyway.
Is the
most famous
person in your band the
bass player?
Are
some of those
dead members fictional,
thus making it not a
big deal?
Is there
a long-running
argument over who is in
the “original”
lineup?
You are in the Eagles.
Is that
bass player
known for engaging in
marathon sex
sessions?
You
are in Spin¨al
Tap. Rest in peace,
Eric “Stumpy Joe”
Childs.
Is one
of your members
dead because of suicide,
making your reunion
melancholy?
Is your
reunion album
full of songs shittier than
“Life in the Fast
Lane”?
You
are in
Sebadoh. Lou Barlow
may actually enjoy Tantra;
he just isn’t
telling.
You are in the Police.
You are in Crowded House.
You
are in Led
Zeppelin. Luckily,
Alison Krauss wasn’t
invited.
Did
the front-
man say, “We’re loaded
enough not to worry about
the next million?”
You
are in the Jesus
and Mary Chain, and
you should know
better.
You are in
Genesis, and you’re going
to hell.
Did
you inexplicably
appear onstage with
Scarlett Johansson?
You
are in My Bloody
Valentine, and what took
you so long?
References:
Archives