Then wouldn’t you want to do it again?

Good God, no. Me and Kelley and Todd went to

Indianapolis to see Van Halen. That was awesome.

They came out, and I just wanted to cry with the

excitement. So what I’m saying is that we’re not

as big as Van Halen, of course, but it was so exciting

to see them—and somebody was happy to see us

“mW anohdseetnxbI cow itriia nns gg,dIthri winnk ogi u.nldIgfsi,tittww illaa dss orieth t.ae ”llyfun

play a particular set of songs that they knew.

The documentary from the Pixies reunion
tour,
loudQUIETloud, showed how the four of
you are pretty awkward around each other.
Do you think letting the world see that side
of you helped explain why the dynamic was
hard to maintain?

That’s a good question, and yeah, it’s probably

true. But I don’t know, because I’m on the inside.

I just see [the filmmakers editing it] to create that

particular situation—although I’m not saying we

aren’t awkward. We’ve already talked all that we

wanted to with each other. But I think it’s cute

that it’s awkward. I think [the filmmakers] had an

idea that it would turn into [the 2004 Dandy

Warhols–Brian Jonestown Massacre doc] Dig!,

with the hard drugs and the intense emotions,

even though we told them we’re really boring.

When we turned out not to be like that but also

not like the Monkees or the Beatles or blink-183

or whatever they are—pallin’ around and clownin’

around—then they needed to explain it somehow.

Even during the periods when you were
having problems, you’ve always seemed

tic, suave voice] “You know, I’ve been working on

some things. Let me play them for you, just to see

what you think.” Dude, please! That’s why I hide

my guitar in the bedroom whenever anybody

comes over, to make sure nothing like that

happens. I just get mortified for people. You’re

going to fucking make somebody endure that?

Just watch out for anybody who has an Ovation

guitar. That’s your clue right there that something

bad is about to happen.

Do you remember the moment you knew you
needed to get to rehab?

All Tomorrow’s Parties—Shellac curated it in

2002. It was that spring we were in England, and

the Breeders played, and I thought, “Oh my God,

I’m going to die!” They have stronger beer over

there, and I was still drinking the same amount,

so I would wake up and I actually had the shakes.

And you feel it inside, too; your organs shake.

It feels very sick—sickly, like, hospital sick, not

a cool junkie sick. I put myself into rehab over

Christmas break.

How did cleaning up change your perspective

house. It was exactly the same thing over and over

again every day—it was the most boring thing. If

it was really fun and exciting, I would still do it. I

would have the idea that I should probably work

on something, but the short-term memory was so

bad, I never really did anything. In the beginning,

it was just weird to be sober. I was stunned by the

length of the day. You just wake up, and you’re like,

“Okay,” and then ten hours later, you’re like, “Is this

ever going to fucking end? God, what do people do

with their fucking day, man?”

Did you fear that sobriety would affect your
ability to make good music?

Oh yeah. Not doing drugs had such a bad con-

notation for me: If you didn’t do drugs, you were

boring. But now I find it so much more interesting

not to do drugs. I find it way more fraught with

danger—in a good way. Every time I go up and

talk to somebody, it’s like, “Hello, this is going to

be awkward and weird in a few seconds because

I’m fucking part of it.” Which is way more

interesting than it was before. It’s strange and I

really like it. And it’s ugly—it’s so awful and ugly

every day.

to have a great time onstage. Do you think
other musicians can sometimes take
themselves too seriously?

It’s sort of back to the acoustic guitar thing, isn’t

it? It’s a little out of my personality to have an

acoustic guitar—“Wait a minute, I swear to God,

check it out, watch.” [Grabs guitar, adopts sarcas-

on your music and relationships?

Rehab’s so boring to talk about. Actually, you know,

if I was reading this before I got sober, I would

think, “Oh, they’re sober—it’s more exciting when

they do drugs.” And it’s okay that anyone might

think that. When I was drinking, it was like, go to

the bar for eight hours or get the 12-pack at the

Do you miss any part of yourself from before
you got sober?

No. I was skinnier—I think I miss that.

MORE AT SPIN.COM Check out more from Kim

Deal’s long musical history at spin.com/kimdeal

DISCOGRAPHY KIM DEAL

A MILDLY OPINIONATED GUIDE TO HER NON-PIXIES OUTPUT

THE BREEDERS

Pod ½

4AD, 1990

Manna for Pixies fans who

craved an entire record like Surfer

Rosa’s sweet and bludgeoning

“Gigantic.” “Hellbound” and

“Fortunately Gone” suggested

Charles Thompson might only

be the second-best aggro-pop

songwriter in his own band, while

Deal’s continued marginalization

made the Pixies’ dissolution both

inevitable and perfectly okay.

THE BREEDERS

Safari

4AD/ELEKTRA, 1992

Before Tanya Donnelly left to form

Belly, she contributed to this four-

song EP, as did Kim’s twin sister,

Kelley (even though she could

barely play guitar). The raucous

cover of the Who’s “So Sad About

Us”—like Pod’s “Happiness Is a

Warm Gun”—shows a reverence

for classic rock that would have

seemed out of place in the Pixies’

insular, oddball universe.

THE BREEDERS

Last Splash ½

4AD/ELEKTRA, 1993

Or maybe it should have

been called Last Laugh?

Deal—now with Kelley playing

a passable guitar—rebounded

from the Pixies’ messy divorce

with a bona fide crossover

hit. “Cannonball” remains one

of the era’s most indelible

singles, and follow-ups “Saints”

and “Divine Hammer” were

nearly as memorable.

THE AMPS

Pacer ½

4AD/ELEKTRA, 1995

With Kelley on the shelf after

a heroin bust, Deal abandoned

the Breeders name and,

influenced by fellow hometown-

drunk-made-good Bob Pollard,

birthed this shambling set.

By barflies for barflies, the

up-tempo “Empty Glasses,”

“Mom’s Drunk,” and “Tipp City”

don’t groove so much as swerve

into oncoming traffic.

THE BREEDERS

Title TK

4AD/ELEKTRA, 2002

Now with Fear’s Richard Presley

and Mando Lopez on guitar and

bass and Jose Medeles

on drums, Deal’s first album

in seven years is, as its name

indicates, a little unsure of itself.

A reprise of Pacer’s rave-up “Full

on Idle” feels like an admission

that the creative coffers weren’t

exactly spilling over during the

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