1 BLACK KIDS, COOL KIDS, AND COLD WAR KIDS WALK INTO A BAR... That’s all we’ve got so far
2 OBAMAMANIA? Obamafying everything is so baracking obannoying
3 SINGING “I KISSED A GIRL” IN 2008 No more shocking than singing it in 1995
4 And with her, our dreams of a Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot sequel
6 pretty sweet” to “Jesus, don’t they have any other friends?” in four short years
8 NEW ALBUM We didn’t even pay that much for Radiohead
15-year-old agenda: Do we really have to suck this bad? Couldn’t we be on key at least?”
The Stains eventually progress as musicians, but they still have hard lessons to learn about industry exploitation when they join a tour and become uneasy acquaintances with the Looters, who sound exactly like you’d imagine they would with a lineup played by punk icons Paul Cook, Steve Jones, Paul Simonon, and a then-unknown British actor named Ray Winstone on the microphone.
“Ray is a big star now. He’s completely changed,” says Fee Waybill, lead singer of the Tubes, who costars as the theatrical, Gene Simmons–like Lou Corpse. “He used to be this skinny heartthrob punk, and now he’s turned into this great big fat heavy, like in
Sexy Beast and The Departed. Ray was on Diane the entire time. He was hitting on her so hard.”
As the fading frontman of the
Metal Corpses, elder statesmen to the Looters and the Stains, Waybill remembers an unusual onscreen moment when Winstone’s Billy punches him for being a condescending wiseass. “We rehearsed it, and everything was great,” he says. “Then the camera started rolling, he turns around and just fucking clocks me as hard as he could, full blast in the eye. I almost passed out; I couldn’t believe it. The cameraman was loving it, spinning his arms around: ‘Keep going, keep going.’ And I’m trying to say my lines. We weren’t filming in order, so I was off for a week because my eye was all black and blue and swollen. Ray felt so bad—he just got carried away.”
It’s an appropriately rock’n’roll anecdote, and Waybill is full of them, such as when he had to drag his new Sex Pistol pals out of a local bar and toss them in a cab after fawning girls’ irate boyfriends threatened to pound them, not once, but twice. Or the truth behind a scene in which he and the late Vince Welnick, his real-life and onscreen bandmate, score coke in a club. “The props guy is using this stuff
Mannitol, which is baby laxative, and we both have to see if it’s any good,” says Waybill. At one point, without telling either actor, someone replaced the fake drugs with the real thing. “I do a hit, Vince does a hit, and all of a sudden, our jaws are dashing back and forth, we’re snorting and sniffing, everyone’s starting to get jumpy. And I hated coke. They cut, and Lou goes, ‘Man, that looked so real!’ Then we do the same thing from five or six different camera angles. The one and only time I ever snorted coke is on film, and I’m just whacked.”
Why Paramount took the Stains’ advice and
chose to “not put out” the film in the ’80s may have
something to do with a poorly
received test screening (when
asked to comment, Adler said
he couldn’t remember), but
now that music-rights clearance
nightmares have finally been
resolved, a new generation can
join the cult. Courtney Love is
already a fan, as is Tobi Vail from
Bikini Kill; and Brett Anderson
(Donna A. of the Donnas), who first saw it as a grade-schooler, considers it a huge inspiration. “There aren’t many depictions of an all-girl band,” she says. “The way they’re getting their butts pinched on the bus and all that shit—we had to [deal with] that! The message I got was that you’re allowed to dress however you want and not be ‘asking for it.’”
Whether the DVD release will demystify the film’s underground vitality remains to be seen, but its cast and crew welcome the sense of closure. Says Lane, who participates in an audio commentary track with Dern, “It’s nice to let the genie out of the bottle finally. I can exhale and say, ‘There are no more secrets.’ ”
9 JAY-Z LOVES GETTING BRAZILIANS Hey, waxing crack is better than dealing it
10 CHINA When will the media start paying attention?
11 SALMONELLA Not a bad name for the next Brangelina baby
12 Duh. Everyone knows flats go better with ghoulish death masks.
Both now free to fuck Matt Damon STAIND’S THE ILLUSION OF PROGRESS
14 A song cycle about Aaron Lewis’ experiments with Rogaine
15 THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER Aren’t ugly people around all year?
16 “ 2 GIRLS 1 CUP” It was this time last year when we all fell in love
17 AMY WINEHOUSE AT MADAME TUSSAUDS Required less wax than the average votive candle
GE T MORE FOR FILM FOO TAGE FROM LADIES AND GEN TLEMEN THE FABULOUS S TAINS AND PHO TOS, GO TO > SPIN.COM/FABULOUS-STAINS
CLOCK WISE FROM LEF T: COUR TES Y RHINO ENTER TAINMEN T ( 2): PARAMOUN T/ THE KOBAL COLLEC TION
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