As the host of VH1’s Best Week Ever, dapper comedian Paul F. Tompkins makes a living siccing his snark on cultural ephemera. Gym Class Heroes frontman Travis McCoy does much the same via his witty rhymes on songs like “Drnk Txt Rmeo” and “Cookie Jar,” both from 2008’s The Quilt. Unsurprisingly, when the talking head and the rapping mouth came together to pass judgment on a pupu platter of the year’s most noteworthy tunes, neither one held back. Well, maybe with one notable exception...

1VAMPIRE WEEKEND “OXFORD COMMA” Blog-fueled smarty-pants phenoms declare their disregard for punctuation particulars atop a spare, breezy groove. McCOY: This song is really pussy, for lack of a better word. I don’t understand the buzz about this band. I just remember going to the bodega and all of sudden seeing them on the cover of every magazine. SPIN: Including this one. McCOY: I know. I was like, “What the fuck?” TOMPKINS: When I saw these guys, I was mostly worried they were freezing cold because they were wearing those gigantic sweaters. McCOY: All the hype about Vampire Weekend reminded me of Snakes on a Plane. TOMPKINS: I’ve always felt that Vampire Weekend are the Snakes on a Plane of music. They’re harmless, though. Innocuous. I call it innocu-rock. McCOY: Innocu-rock! That’s it! TOMPKINS: Do you get freaked out by Belle and Sebastian? Vampire Weekend is for you.

“There’s a line in ‘Sex on Fire’: ‘Head while
I’m driving.’ You gotta be a pro to do that.
Trust me, my license is suspended.”

pissed at dudes all the time. Even after she got
married, she was still pissed.
TOMPKINS: Sometimes you have to look inside,
Pink. Ask yourself, “What am I doing wrong?” It
takes two to tango.
McCOY: She’s a rock star, though. She’s tough.
TOMPKINS: Of course she is. She’s from Philly.
McCOY: I wouldn’t fuck with her.
TOMPKINS: She could definitely kick both
our asses.

2PINK “SO WHAT” Pop’s angry young woman boils over with this taunting stomper written in the aftermath of her breakup. McCOY: The whining in the beginning is a little bit “nana-nana-boo-boo.” TOMPKINS: It’s a nursery rhyme for starting fights. McCOY: Pink always sounds so mad. She’s so

3LIL WAYNE “GOT MONEY” Weezy shares his know-how vis-à-vis getting, spending, and retaining a large amount of currency. McCOY: I’m a huge fan of Wayne, but this Auto-Tune thing is completely out of control. TOMPKINS: I’m officially mad about it. McCOY: [Zapp’s] Roger Troutman is rolling in his grave! Back in the day, when you were using a vocoder and talkbox, you had to at least be playing something. TOMPKINS: That was what Peter Frampton used on his guitar, right?

McCOY: Yeah. With those things, you had to
manipulate the note with a guitar or keyboard.
Now you just push a button. It’s like, “I wanna
sound like a robot,” and you hit the button and
that’s it.
TOMPKINS: I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve used
Auto-Tune before. Sometimes I want to sound
like a robot when I tell jokes. I won’t deny it.
McCOY: That’s my beef with all of this. You used
to actually have to be able to sing. Now it’s just so
easy. You just press a button.
TOMPKINS: In the good old days you at least had
to turn a dial. Turning dials is a lost art.

4KAT Y PERRY “I KISSED A GIRL” A curious ingenue discovers the chart-busting pleasure of sapphic smooching. McCOY: Uh, okay. I’m not talking bad about this one. TOMPKINS: [Laughs] Not this one? McCOY: This is my girlfriend. TOMPKINS: [Laughs] SPIN: Travis isn’t joking. TOMPKINS: Oh, okay.