TOMPKINS: This is not what I expected these guys to sound like. I’d heard their name, but I’d never heard them. I thought they were going to be more like our friends Vampire Weekend. You surprise me, MGM T. Well done.

“At least Axl Rose wasn’t beaten up
by Karl Lagerfeld. By the way, when
does this song start?”

GROOMING BY DEBORAH ALTIZIO FOR EXCLUSIVE ARTISTS USING SK YN ICELAND; ST YLING BY TURNER

McCOY: This song fucking rocks! This is cutting-
edge right here! And I’m not just sucking my
girlfriend’s dick.
TOMPKINS: You know who I feel bad for? Jill
Sobule.
McCOY: Definitely. I told Katy there was already
a song called “I Kissed a Girl,” and she was like,
“Nobody remembers that shit.” But what’s good
about this song is that it’s now cool for young
girls across America to kiss each other.
TOMPKINS: Katy Perry is the Rosa Parks of getting
girls to make out with each other.
McCOY: We need to skip songs now.

that time! Say something! Usually, it’s like,
“Hey, yo. Check me out. This is what I’m ’bout
to say.” But this song is cool because T.I.’s sort of
singing. It’s not straight rapping. It’s rap-singing.
It’s not bad. And there’s no Auto-Tune! This is
something my mom might walk around cleaning
the house to.
TOMPKINS: I can see Paul Anka covering this one.

7GUNS N’ ROSES “CHINESE DEMOCRACY” The long-awaited first single from the longer-awaited new album sees a multitracked Axl Rose spurring on a small army of guitars. McCOY: I was at the Tommy Hilfiger show a couple years ago where Tommy kicked Axl’s ass. TOMPKINS: I heard about that. You were there? McCOY: I saw it. I look over and Tommy and Axl are going at it. Dude has to live with himself after getting his ass beat by Tommy Hilfiger. TOMPKINS: At least it wasn’t Karl Lagerfeld. By the way, when does the song start? SPIN: There’s about a minute of ambient noise at the beginning. TOMPKINS: We’ve been waiting 16 years for silence? McCOY: This better kick ass soon. TOMPKINS: What was the 16 years for? Was he picking out bandannas? It definitely wasn’t for this. This reminds me of the season of The Sopranos when Adriana wanted to be a manager, and she worked with this awful metal band from New Jersey. They sounded like this. McCOY: The woman who played Tony’s wife on that show is hot. She’s a cougar. TOMPKINS: She is. But I’m talking about a different actress. McCOY: Tony’s daughter? She was hot, too. TOMPKINS: The fact that we’re talking about The Sopranos doesn’t say much for the song. McCOY: I can’t fuck with this shit. I just see Axl’s shitty cornrows and that half-plastic face. The Darkness are better than this. TOMPKINS: Wait! Is that Buckethead playing? McCOY: Buckethead is awesome. I’ll give ’em that.

5T.I. “WHATEVER YOU LIKE” Atlanta rapper makes the most of house arrest to craft the year’s most accommodating hit. McCOY: This would be better if it had Jill Sobule on it. TOMPKINS: I like that T.I. is bringing back the spoken-word intro. I’m always a fan of that. McCOY: Sometimes people say the most ignorant shit during the first four bars. Take advantage of

6MGMT “ELEC TRIC FEEL” Two hippies from Wesleyan get their aqua-boogie going with a smooth, slick dance-floor filler. Mc COY: This right here is one of my favorite songs of the year. It’s got that Prince vibe with the real high voice. The sound is so warm. My favorite part is the “Ooh, girl.” I play this shit in the shower. TOMPKINS: I play the national anthem. Mc COY: When the dude’s vocal comes in, that’s usually when I’m starting to wash my hair. TOMPKINS: Are you having a shower sense memory? Can you feel the suds? Mc COY: [Pretends to wash his genitals] Always gotta do that.

8ESTELLE “AMERICAN BOY” Saucy Brit soulstress advocates transatlantic romance with a little help from (oh no!) Kanye West. McCOY: I love this song, but the Kanye part is weird. I know we’re not supposed to say that, because Kanye is the legend—he’s always reminding us. TOMPKINS: He only does that in case you forget. It’s a little service he provides. McCOY: There’s a line in the song where Kanye says, “What’s your persona about this Americana?” That makes no sense at all. None at all. What the fuck are you talking about, bro? I got beef with Kanye’s grammar. Estelle’s amazing, though. She’s sassy. She’s one of those artists who sound as good live as they do on the record. TOMPKINS: That’s hard to come by. Trust me. McCOY: Especially with Auto-Tune! Estelle didn’t even have anyone do Kanye’s part when she played “American Girl” live.