I wanted to be different. But it came back and bit me on the arse. It’s sad because I feel like I’m compromising my true personality. People use it against me.

 

You are such a contradiction: quite tough and snarky. But then when you wrote about feeling “fat and ugly” on your blog in 2007, you seemed more vulnerable. I still do contemplate laser surgery and liposuc-tion. It’s not at the forefront of my mind now, but when I’m flipping through magazines and I see pictures of me and people saying, “Oh, she shouldn’t wear that with this,” I think, “Oh God, if I knew it would work, I would do it.” My inse-curities are a big part of me. I’m drawn toward wanting acceptance, but also I’m aware enough to know I should be rebelling against all the crap that is fed to women, particularly about what is acceptable. But you try it—you try someone writing that you’re a mess and not take it personally.

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But when you had negative feelings about your body, you shared them with millions of people. I’m not a particularly private person. Some people would be horrified at their personal stuff floating around the Internet. But [at the time] I was in Seattle. I don’t have a husband or partner to tell it all to. On tour, I’m in an odd world of drugs and alcohol and a different city each day and getting up late and going to bed late. Interviews with strangers. The lines of reality get confused. Writing my blog feels personal even if a lot of people are reading it.

what happens when Israel’s prime minister is in the house.

Allen is tired and tousled, but in her form-hugging dress, she looks lovely. Ordering breakfast, she seems distracted, as if details are coming to her via satellite with a time delay. She orders scrambled eggs, and when the waiter is halfway across the room, she adds, “And a sausage.” As he turns again, she adds, “And some spinach,” before ending with, “And a juice.” When she finishes eating, she clears away the plates herself.

“I don’t like mess,” she explains.

rubbish celebrity magazines and having makeovers? Everyone’s absorbed in this aspirational celebrity rubbish. What are you all doing?” It’s not even that much fun.

Is there a danger of emotional incontinence here? “I feel something, therefore I must text/blog/ e-mail someone”? Oh, fuck off if you want to hold it all in. That’s up to you. I know there are limits. Like on Facebook, there’s this thing called Status Update where you can tell someone if you are baking bread or arranging flowers or reading a book, and then someone on the other side of the world can send a message saying, “Me too!” I hate that. I don’t want to bond with someone over the fact we’ve both just eaten a chocolate chip cookie. But no, I don’t see a difference between a public and a personal persona, because that’s not real.

 

Beyoncé just released an album as her feisty onstage alter ego, called I Am…Sasha Fierce. Good for her. I wake up, check my BlackBerry, have a cup of tea and a fag, and then I am…Lily Allen. I’m not knocking anyone, but I am not “performing.” That would just be careerist. I’d be putting on a show to sell records. That’s not why I do this.

You’ve been making a video for “The Fear”—it’s about the emptiness of celebrity. When I wrote that song, I was angry about the celebrity-obsessed culture we live in. At the time, I felt it had nothing to do with me. But in retrospect, it’s everything to do with me. It was me thinking, “Why are young girls reading these

And you’re not a part of it?

I have been. Take it from someone who knows— I’m learning how not to be in that world. I was much younger when I came into this business. You learn from people writing shit things about you. People say, “It’s part of being famous,” but I didn’t want that. I wanted to be a singer. I’m probably lying when I say that. I did want to be famous, but I didn’t realize what famous was. I thought fame just meant “Everyone will love me.”

Why do you do this? Because I want people to love me. [Laughs] I’m laughing, but it is true to an extent.

But you weren’t just singing. You have got a reputation for attitude, mouthing off about other artists—

get more GO BEHIND THE SCENES OF LILY ALLEN’S LONDON COVER SHOOT! spin.com/ lily-video

That sounds like a dangerous motivation for being an artist.

46 FEBRUAR Y 2009 / EVERYONE WHO’S ANYONE GOES TO SPIN.COM