Which song of yours is the closest to a festival crowd-pleaser? HAINES: “Monster Hospital” [from 2005’s Live It Out]. Whatever people make of the phrase “I fought the war and the war won” makes it a good sing-along, whether it’s about an actual war or a war within themselves against their personal demons. SHAW: The one-line chorus is always a fist-pumper.

SHAW: We’re a dance band. A lot of
festivals are just people standing
around for eight hours.
HAINES: We don’t waste people’s
time. We have the stamina and
energy to put on a great rock show
without shoegazing or telling
endless narratives onstage. Unless
I’m drunk.

What’s the dumbest thing one can
do as an attendee?
HAINES: Don’t bring a crew of more
than four or five people or else you’re
going to spend the entire time texting
and trying to find each other.
SHAW: I’d say, “Don’t do drugs and
alcohol,” but you’re going to, so I think
you should drink water. Or else you
will pass out in the crowd. It happened
to someone I know very, very well.
HAINES: You mean you Was that dur-
ing Radiohead?
SHAW: It was during the Flaming Lips,
right after Wayne Coyne’s bubble
passed over my head. The last thing I
remember was saying, “That bubble
is amazing!” And then I woke up and
some girl was pouring water on me.
Stick to the organic drugs.
HAINES: Keep it green.

Sideshow Barbs:
Comics Play
Fests, Too!

What do you feel is missing from
the festival experience?
HAINES: Food that isn’t disgusting.
Water that isn’t in a plastic bottle.
SHAW: And doesn’t cost $4.
HAINES: The festivals that stand out
are the ones, like Coachella and
Lollapalooza, that don’t follow the old
model of mud and date rape.

Is the song “Front Row,” from your
new album, Fantasies, meant to be
critical of fanatical types who want
to be near the stage?
HAINES: No. Something I’m most
happy about being in this band is
the people who come to the
concert. Metric crowds are the
best—they’re a really good balance
of guys and girls, looking good,
but not overstyled or overly
hipster. There are no baseball
caps happening at Metric shows.
I’m proud of that.

Why shouldn’t people go get a snack during your set?

Fantasies (Metric International) is out now.

Ben There, Done That

clockwise from top right: Angel A weiss/getty imAges; beowulf sheehAn/zumA for Afi; tim mosenfelder/corbis (hArper)

Longtime fest vet Ben Harper, playing this year with Relentless7, weighs in on what’s so special about these really big shows

“Often, at a festival, I
will find a spot to lie
in the grass and listen
to the combination of
different bands playing
in various tents. Last
time this happened,
my head was kicked by
a Birkenstock and I had
to get some treatment.
Treatment in the form
of chocolate-covered
mushrooms.”

—Zach Galifianakis

PLAYING: SASQUATCH!

1 COACHELLA WHEN: April 17–19 WHERE: Indio, CA BIG GUNS: Paul McCartney, the Killers, the Cure BEN SEZ: “Being at Coachella when the sun goes down and the heat breaks and someone is killing onstage—that’ll stay with you. ”

ing Lips were playing on the other stage. Lips fans weren’t too happy about that.”

6 WAKARUSA WHEN: June 4–7 WHERE: Ozark, AR BIG GUNS: The Black Crowes, Gov’t Mule, Matisyahu BEN SEZ: “The Black Crowes have the power to destroy you. They’re American rock at its finest.”

8 ROTHBURY WHEN: July 2–5 WHERE: Rothbury, MI BIG GUNS: Bob Dylan, the Dead, Willie Nelson

2 NEW ORLEANS JAZZ & HERITAGE FESTIVAL WHEN: April 24–May 3 WHERE: New Orleans BIG GUNS: Neil Young, Wilco, Kings of Leon BEN SEZ: “This and the Voodoo festival are great for the same reason: You’re enjoying American music in the city where it was born. The setting demands inspiration.”

7 BONNAROO WHEN: June 11–14 WHERE: Manchester, TN BIG GUNS: Bruce Springsteen, Phish, Beastie Boys BEN SEZ: “I played ‘Good Times, Bad Times’ with John Paul Jones there. It still feels surreal. You go to Bonnaroo for those kind of mash-ups.”

980/35 WHEN: July 3–4 WHERE: Des Moines, IA BIG GUNS: Public Enemy, Relentless7 BEN SEZ: “This is a new festival, but I’ve played Des Moines a bunch. They know how to get it on in Iowa.”

10 LOLLAPALOOZA WHEN: August 7–9 WHERE: Chicago BIG GUNS: Jane’s Addiction, Depeche Mode, Beastie Boys BEN SEZ: “We all owe Perry Farrell. Think about all the festivals now. It wasn’t like that before he started Lollapalooza.”

3 THE BAMBOOZLE WHEN: May 2–3 WHERE: East Rutherford, NJ BIG GUNS: No Doubt, Fall Out Boy, Rise Against BEN SEZ: “I always wanted to play this kind of festival. I’m not scared of a punk audience. I’d welcome the challenge.”

4 ROCK ON THE RANGE WHEN: May 16–17 WHERE: Columbus, OH BIG GUNS: Mötley Crüe, Slipknot, Alice in Chains

12 AUSTIN CI TY LIMITS WHEN: October 2–4 WHERE: Austin, TX BIG GUNS: TBA BEN SEZ: “La Zona Rosa, man. See a show there, then eat some Mexican.”

5 SASQUATCH! WHEN: May 23–25 WHERE: Quincy, WA BIG GUNS: Nine Inch Nails, Jane’s Addiction, TV on the Radio BEN SEZ: “I played there once while the Flam-

11 BUMBERSHOOT WHEN: September 5–7 WHERE: Seattle BIG GUNS: Modest Mouse, No Age, De La Soul

13 TREASURE ISLAND WHEN: October 17–18 WHERE: San Francisco BIG GUNS: Beirut, Girl Talk, the Decemberists

“Different things are
funny doing comedy
in the daytime. People
don’t even know
what sex is at two in
the afternoon; it just
sounds like it hurts.
But at festivals, people
have committed three
days to eating sausage
and drinking, so 2 P.M.,
if you’ve been up
for two days, is very
similar to 10 P.M.”

—Eugene Mirman

PLAYING: BUMBERSHOO T

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